Motherhood

 Motherhood, man.

It will grind you up and spit you out.

It's the up-all-night with a newborn, up-all-night with a sick kindergartner, up-all-night worried about a teenager kinda life.

It's one giant game of trying to keep them alive and yourself sane. Trying to raise them not to need you, then feeling some sort of blend between pride and feeling like you've been sucker punched when you realize you were successful. 

It's reliving every mistake over at least once in your head, wondering if they even noticed or if you've scarred them for life. 

It's cooking meals they won't eat, putting up the leftovers, then finding it all missing and empty plates stashed beside their bed in the morning. 

It's tears wiped and tears shed. 

It's trying to explain why you set the boundaries, why they are where they are, and when or if they will move. 

It's chasing a naked toddler around the house and asking a middle schooler to remember deodorant. 

It's low-key threatening everyone before a family picture and then wondering why no one is wearing a true smile. 

It's years of supplying tissue boxes to schools and only being able to find old drive-thru napkins for yourself. 

It's washing stinky uniforms, cheering at every game, standing to ovation at every play and ballet. 

It's telling the hard truths, even to yourself.

It's yelling things you never thought you would in public, like, "Put your pants back on!" or "We don't lick feathers!"  

It's realizing you're not perfect and grieving that every so often, wishing you could be because you love them so dang much.

It's watching every Christmas get more precious than the last, as your traditions become theirs.

It's realizing nothing's permanent. Today's child is precious...tomorrow, they will be older.

It's eating last so they have seconds.

It's squeezy hugs and nighttime snuggles.

It's feeling every one of their hurts so strongly that you cry with them, for them. 

It's always wondering if you've done enough, or too much, and wondering if you'll ever know.

...

Motherhood is hard. Sometimes, it hurts. It's not all puzzles and park adventures. Sometimes it's laying your soul bare and feeling as though it's been stomped on by those you love the most.

But oh man. I wouldn't trade it for the world.